Reverse Ode To Ryanair

Getting a bag from place A to place B is not rocket science. Brain science is rocket science. My bag was lost tonight en route from Tampere to London. Now, ok, bags do get lost once in a while (this was a first for me) but taking that this flight was the ONLY flight to depart from Tampere, it’s pretty damn hard to put it in a wrong plane. This was on top of, again, very very bad service they had. I’m not going to bore you with details other that details of what was lost:

– Jeans. The ones I always wear and almost my only jeans.
– a shirt
– three pairs of Muji pants (dirty)
– Fake Steve Jobs t-shirt (ouch)
– random set of cables, couple of firewires, power adapter for my external HD, camcorder and digital compact, a phone charger
– Manfrotto mono pod and its head
– 2 packs of Hiillos sausages and one of Camping sausages
– 1 kg of Fazer salty licorice chocolate. The girlfriend said I’m not to return home without it

So basically everything is pretty easily replaceable but it still does hurt. A lot.

I wrote the following song on the plane before this happened. It describes the feelings I have for that company. I had to edit it a bit because the original used such bad language that it wasn’t suitable even for internet. And it suggested things that should not be said.

(to be sang in the melody of ‘Smelly Cat’ by Phoebe Buffay)

Ryanair, o Ryanair
Why do you hate me?

Ryanair o Ryanair,
O’ why do you hate me so much right now?

Ryanair o Ryanair,
Why do you spit on my face when fly with you?

Ryanair, o Ryanair,
O’ Why do you spit on my face after I paid a small fortune to eat one of you smelly dog burgers?

Ryanair, o Ryanair,
I hope you get investigated by the EC

Ryanair, o Ryanair,
O’ I hope you get investigated by the EC and are put out of business.

Ryanair, o Ryanair,
Why do you hate me?

Ryanair, o Ryanair,
O’ Why do you hate me and my family?

Copyright notice: Anyone is free to sing, record or perform ‘Reverse Ode To Ryanair’ (the song) but 5% of all profits made from ‘the song’ must be donated to RSPCA. Also, the copyright holder, Kristian Tapaninaho, must be notified of any use of ‘the song’, including humming. Copyright holder takes no responsibility over infringement of Phoebe Buffay’s melody or if content of ‘the song’ causes nausea and anxiety which might result in depression.


[update] After reading Michael O’Leary’s (CEO of Ryanair) profile in the Guardian Online, I should maybe change the song back to it’s original state. He is a bit of a*.

*Insert the c word here (not cabbage). No matter how much I want write the word i’m not going to.

8 thoughts on “Reverse Ode To Ryanair

    1. pokemon go teleport hack for android

      And yet we still have far less gun related deaths than most counties on Earth, and unlike places like America a death by firearms is a shocking rarity not something that happens on a daily basis.Oh and they do have firearms, they have highly trained specialised armed-responce units.

  1. Kristian Tapaninaho

    Nope, not a word yet.

    They only give you a number to call and there’s an answering machine message saying: ‘Thank you for calling Ryanair. Please leave your name, flight number, short description of your item and a number we can contact you on. We will get back to you in case happen to find your bag you trusted in our hands. But we don’t give a shit, really.’

    I’m now trying to get something out of the people in Tampere who handle the luggage. It’s could be that the mesh of cables in the bag raised their security levels at least to DEFCON 4. And they decided to securely remove the Finnish sausages from the bag and then take the bag (evidence) to be destroyed. Could be.


  2. Mark Barnes

    I feel for you, I really do.

    I mean, I’ve never lost any sausages but I can imagine how much it hurts.

    I’m off to Frankfurt at the weekend – the capital of Sausage – and the thought that some sticky-fingered baggage handler might pilfer my meaty souvenirs fills me with untold dread. I think I might stay at home.

  3. ville

    man! that sucks. hope you get the stuff back. anyways, the chocolate bar to girlfriend isn’t lost. it is eaten. (you forgot that as well.) but i wish to, here in public, declare, that it was super that you spent the afternoon here. to me, it was worth more than a bag.


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